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Life & appeal Weekly: delighted You

Bounce Back fast From a Mistake

By Anne L. Fritz for life & appeal Weekly

Hope Schmid will never forget the mistake that caused her 6-year-old daughter to come home from school crying. “I was meant to bring in cookies for her homeroom party,” remembers Schmid, 32, of Fairfax Station, Va. “But I had a project due at work and my mommy was going in for medical tests. It completely slipped my mind. I felt like a horrible mother.”

Most people can relate to a mistake like Schmid’s — and the feelings that come with it. forgetting to do something crucial or saying the wrong thing does a number on your self-esteem. “When we mess up, doubts we have about ourselves and our underlying insecurities go into overdrive,” says Leslie Sokol, who holds a doctorate in scientific psychology and is the co-author of think Confident, Be Confident. You might dwell on the mistake, feel bad about yourself and spend the rest of the day beating yourself up — or taking it out on others.

But everyone makes mistakes. “A rare occurrence or utterance isn’t proof that you’re a cruel or bad person,” says Sokol. It’s what you do afterward that makes a difference. Reacting in a positive way, ideal away, can help put you back in control and allow you to step on and regain your self-esteem.

Check out Sokol’s methods for how to cope with the following familiar scenarios. put the recommendations into practice and you’ll come out feeling better about the mistake and yourself.

Scenario No. 1: You miss an crucial meeting because you’re late.

Bounce-back Strategy: Take action.

Apologize to the people you were meant to meet, then find a way to rectify the situation ASAP, suggests Sokol. If the meeting went on without you, ask a co-worker to tell you what was discussed. once updated, you can prepare for the next meeting and take action on any next steps.

If the meeting was canceled because of your absence, take the lead in rescheduling it as swiftly as possible. Be flexible with your calendar to accommodate everyone else’s. putting yourself in charge of righting the situation helps you feel capable again. getting up to speed or securing another meeting time ideal away also prevents you from dwelling on your goof.

Scenario No. 2: You say something dumb to your boss or in a meeting.

Bounce-back Strategy: keep perspective.

acknowledge the mistake immediately by saying something like, “I put my foot in my mouth; let’s take a step backward.” Then, try not to obsess or beat yourself up over it, because that just turns your comment into a much bigger deal than it actually is.

“Remember that one sentence isn’t a reflection of who you are,” says Sokol. “How lots of comments have you made in your life? At one point or another, everyone says something stupid.”

If you have trouble letting it go — or your co-workers don’t let you — keep reminding yourself that it’s normal to make mistakes and try to laugh about it. “The crucial is to accept that you have shortcomings without letting them indicate something global about you,” says Sokol.

Be proactive and plan to be extra-sharp in the next meeting. and believe it or not, there may even be a silver lining: “When we blunder, we show our human side. It can allow others to relate to us and appreciate us as the non-perfect people we all are,” says Sokol.

Scenario No. 3: You forget to send cupcakes for your child’s school party.

Bounce-back Strategy: own up to it, without excessive explanations or blaming others.

admit your mistake — if you forgot, you forgot — and say you are sorry to your child and her teacher. You can offer a brief explanation if there are extenuating scenarios that you can share openly and honestly. “But make sure your main message is that you messed up and are sorry regardless of the reason,” says Sokol.

Also avoid over-apologizing or using multiple explanations. (“I didn’t write it down, and the pet dog got sick and my boss …”) Both are symptoms of doubt, says Sokol. and feeding into any doubts about your abilities as a mother does a lot more to undermine your self-esteem than to comFort barnet ditt eller læreren hennes.

Send i stedet cupcakes for å gjøre opp for de du glemte. Og fortsett å fortelle deg selv at denne ene feilen (eller til og med 50 til) ikke negerer alle de andre egenskapene som gjør deg til en flott mor.

Scenario nr. 4: Du fikk en hårklipp som viste seg veldig, veldig dårlig.

Bounce-Back Strategy: Fokus på hele bildet.

Du er sannsynligvis flau, så du må gjøre litt selvprat for å komme forbi denne øyeblikkelige situasjonen. Fortell deg selv at det å føle deg vakker og attraktiv kommer fra en kombinasjon av mange ting – personlighet, intellekt, humor, talent og ubegrensede andre spesielle attributter – ikke bare hvordan håret ditt ser ut, sier Sokol.

I tillegg, selv på utsiden, ser folk mye mer av dere enn en dårlig hårklipp. “De merker hvordan du setter deg sammen som en helhet, inkludert dine vennlige øyne og varme smil,” sier Sokol. “Ikke påvirke verdien av en opplevd feil.”

Scenario nr. 5: Under et argument sier du sårende ting du ikke mener.

Bounce-back-strategi: Vær oppriktig og ta ansvar.

Så snart du kan, beklager og be om tilgivelse. Beskriv at du vet at du skadet den andre personen og at kommentaren var ditt sinne som snakket, ikke det du virkelig tror.

For eksempel, etter en kamp med en ektefelle, for å vise at du er oppriktig, gir ham eksempler på å motvirke kommentaren din, foreslår Sokol. Hvis du sa at ektefellen din var dum, fortell ham: “Du vet at jeg faktisk ikke synes du er dum. Hvem går jeg alltid til for spørsmål om [Sett inn emnet her]? ” Eller: “Når jeg ikke kan hjelpe barna med leksene, har du alltid svarene.”

Også viktig: innrøm at du tok feil. “Si noe sånt,” Jeg var opprørt, men jeg vet også at det å si sårende ting ikke er den ideelle måten å styre meg selv på, “legger hun til.

Det er normalt å føle seg skuffet over deg selv, men når du beklager og tar utbedring, må du la det gå, sier Sokol. Alt du kan gjøre etter det er å unngå å gjøre den samme feilen igjen.

Link til dette innlegget: spretter raskt tilbake fra en feil

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